Do you need a sign???

[Proteus]

This is not new, but it never gets old...

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid."

That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me... oops, never mind. Didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a Ridgeways truck in our driveway. My neighbour comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign buddy."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a mate of mine, we pulled his boat into the ramp, I lifted up this big Salmon and this idiot on the ramp goes, "Hey, you catch all them fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, i t looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it".

Last time I had a flat tyre, I pulled my car into a gas station. The attendant walks out, looks at my car, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tyre go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled up on me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Shnizt, that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign... until he asked "So, is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "no I'm delivering' a bridge... here's your sign."

I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."

Anybody you know need a sign today?

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[fronny]

Here's a few i like

I'm in high school, and i was walking to my 6th period class the other day. When i get there (being the first one there) i pull on the door to find it locked. THe drapes are closed, so i can't see if anyone is inside, so just to be sure, i start pounding on the door. At that moment the principle walks by the classroom with keys and says "are you locked out?" I said "nope,the door made fun of my mom, i was just giving him a beating for it. Here's your sign."

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter
into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided
to steal a life raft from one of the 747's. They were successful in
getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the
river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys.

[DiscusWidow]

If my husband Scott puts anything up here about me, it isnt true.. :ug

[Proteus]

mmmm... that sounds like an admission of guilt :wink:

(just kidding)

[DiscusWidow]

Thanks Proteus... Really I never do anything stupid.. Everything I do is well thought out.. Except for this one time my husband suggested that he gets a nice tank with some nice fish in it... Now!!!! We have 5 tanks full of fish, hoses all around the side of the house, no room in the garage for my bike (forget the car).. I guess I needed a sign that day when I said, "Sure Honey, whatever you want, if it makes you happy"... :shock:

[DiscusWidow]

One of my sisters (years ago) was riding around on a friends shoulders.. He decided to run through a doorway.. She ended up with a broken pelvis... Think her friend is worthy of a sign :lol:

[JNS]

The most memorable Television News Interview that still has me shaking my head was when a journalist was interviewing a rescue operator on the site of an earthquake (or something like that). The rescue operator said "there are at least 20 people missing". The next question from the journalist was

"So these misssing people, where are they?"

[bushie]

tv news reported a fatal accident
two cars collided head on whilst travelling in opposite directions.

bit hard to do if they`re going the same direction.

[scott bowler]

here these ones fit in this spot Caution...
They Walk Among Us
====================
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which
direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking
him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When
my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime,
she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

They Walk Among Us!
====================
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got
a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting
to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

They Walk Among Us!
====================
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard
one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on
her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't
think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."

They Walk Among Us!
====================
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a
seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk..

They Walk Among Us!
====================
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10%.
Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times
10% and gave us a 20% discount....

They Walk Among Us!
====================
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring
attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time
she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance
apart no matter which way the head is turned...

They Walk Among Us!
====================
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the
lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and
told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in
good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"..

They Walk Among Us!
====================
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to
go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into
4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6
pieces.

Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.

They walk among us, AND reproduce!

[scott bowler]

my wife can be so blonde some times , resently she went to put petrol in her car ,pulling up at the pump she realised the petrol cap was on the other side so she got back in her car and pulled around to the other side of the pump only faceing the other derection , as she got out of the car she notest the man in the shop giggling at her thinking that was strange she continued to go and get the pump only to realise again it was on the other side :oops: embarassed she got back in her car and drove away.still needing fuel only she sent me to get it ,, :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
good funny for me hope you liked thats my girl these never a dull moment in my house

[DiscusWidow]

Scotty,

Thanks for posting that story for the whole world to see.. You are so sweet, now should I go through it and correct all of your spelling and puctuation errors for you :)

Deborah xx

[scott bowler]

owww isnt true love grand .shes the best see how lucky im she wants to help me with my gramer geeee i love her :roll: :roll: :roll: :wink:

[goldenpigeon]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, sorry Deborah but that made me laugh! hehehe

Scott she must be a joy! i wish my woman would cowwect mi spwelin fo m3 :roll:


only jokes Deborah :lol:

cheers guys,
David

[scott bowler]

yeah shes good dave we have lots of laughs in this house .good value

[goldenpigeon]

so it seems ;) ;)
lots of laughs in my house too, funny because there are only 2 poeple in my house hahahhahahahaaha, not much of a crowd but there r some funny jokes mate ;)