Broadmeadows

[goldenpigeon]

The Girl from Broadmeadows

Only in Victoria ( Broadmeadows )

A Girl from Broadmeadows walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow
afternoon to pick up my dress." She says.

"Come again?" says the old dry cleaner, cupping his ear at the girl.

"No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise.

* * * * * * * *

Another Broadmeadows girl was involved in a serious crash, there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the road.

Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.
Sharon: "Ok."

Medic: "How many fingers am I putting up?"

Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
* * * * * * * *
A Girl from Broadmeadows goes to Centrelink to register for child benefit.

"How many children?" asks the assessor?

"Ten" replies the Broadmeadows girl,
"Ten?" says the Centrelink worker.

"What are their names?"

"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan and Nathan"

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naah..." says the Broadmeadows girl. "Its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout NATHAN, YER DINNER'S READY or NATHAN GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed Centrelink worker.

"That's easy," says the Broadmeadows girl... "I just use their surnames"

* * * * * * * *
A Girl from Broadmeadows enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.

The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall."

She says I'll take the red one."

The man says: "That's the fire extinguisher."



:lol::lol::lol:

[nicholas76]

Now that my friend is quality.

[Merrilyn]

Oh dear. Time for an M rating on this forum.

[DiscusWidow]

They are hilarious.. heheh

[scott bowler]

LOL good work GP

[*Chris*]

hey you know i was raised in westmeadows not to far from broadmeadows and mohammed heights LOL
but fair call

[sammigold]

Classic!!!!

[goldenpigeon]

lol I have a mountain of jokes like those, except a lot of them are at least MA15+ haha
ill sort through my emails and post a few more :D

[goldenpigeon]

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 25 litres of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 litres. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 litres of milk. Are you sure about wanting 25 litres, or should that be 2.5 litres?"

The blonde repeats the order, "I want 25 litres........... I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

The blonde says, "No, No, No,... just up to my tits - just enough so I can splash it on my face".

[nicholas76]

LMAO!

[goldenpigeon]

Something to insult everyone :D



What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
20 kgs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new wife and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in year 9. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a police car?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What's the difference between an Australian zoo and an English zoo?
An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe.."

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins with "once upon a time" and a Southern fairytale begins with "Ya'll wont believe dis shit!"

:lol:

[goldenpigeon]

Who likes a good old gold joke? hehe love this one! :lol:






A man staggered into a hospital with concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?"

Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.

We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."

"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's
arse.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey.......... this looks like yours!"

"And after that" says the Doctor...

The man looks at him all dazed and says " I don't remember anything at all......."

[goldenpigeon]

Flowers

Two friends, a Blonde and a Redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying her
flowers.

The Redhead sighs and says "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."

The Blonde looks quizzically at her and says "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"

The Redhead replies: "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

Then the Blonde turns to her and says: "Don't you have a vase?"

[goldenpigeon]

:lol::lol::lol:
ill add some more tonight
enjoy
Cheers
David

[Proteus]

Keep them clean please....